How Do I Forgive?
Forgiveness sounds simple.
Until someone actually hurts us.
Until we have been betrayed.
Until we have been lied to.
Until we have been misunderstood, rejected, or wounded.
Then forgiveness doesn’t feel simple at all.
It feels heavy.
Unfair.
Almost impossible.
So the real question becomes: How do I forgive when it actually hurts?
Why Forgiveness Matters
When Jesus was being crucified—wrongly accused, publicly shamed, physically tortured—His first words were not revenge or defense.
They were: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)
That moment tells us something powerful.
Forgiveness is not weakness. Forgiveness is strength under control.
Jesus didn’t excuse what was happening. He didn’t pretend it didn’t hurt. He chose to release it.
And that’s what forgiveness is.
The Greek word used there means:
“to release”
“to cancel a debt”
“to let go”
Forgiveness is not emotional language. It’s courtroom language. It’s deciding not to collect a debt someone owes us.
What Forgiveness Is NOT
Before we talk about how to forgive, we need to clear up some misunderstandings.
Forgiveness Is Not Downplaying the Offense
Forgiveness does not mean:
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“It didn’t really hurt.”
“I’m fine.”
If it didn’t hurt, forgiveness wouldn’t be necessary.
In fact, the power of forgiveness is found in fully acknowledging the wrong—and choosing grace anyway.
Minimizing the offense cheapens the forgiveness.
Forgiveness Is Not Trusting the Person Again
This is important. We can forgive someone and:
Block them.
Unfollow them.
Set boundaries.
Never allow them access again.
Forgiveness is our responsibility. Trust is rebuilt by the other person’s consistency.
We are commanded to forgive. We are not commanded to trust someone who has proven unsafe.
Forgiveness is about our freedom. Trust is about their behavior.
Forgiveness Is Not Forgetting
“Forgive and forget” is not a biblical command.
We may remember vividly what happened—and still forgive.
Forgiveness doesn’t erase memory. It removes revenge.
It’s choosing not to weaponize what we remember.
What Forgiveness Is
Here are three truths to help us move forward.
Forgiveness Is Uncommon
Most people retaliate.
Most people gossip.
Most people hold grudges.
Forgiveness is rare.
But followers of Jesus are called to live differently.
It’s easy to mirror the behavior that hurt us.
It’s powerful to respond with grace.
Forgiveness Feels Unfair
Let’s be honest…it doesn’t feel fair.
It feels like letting someone “off the hook.”
But here’s the perspective shift: We were forgiven unfairly.
None of us earned forgiveness from God. It was given freely.
Colossians 3:13 says: “Forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
Forgiveness isn’t saying what they did was okay.
It’s saying: “I trust God with justice. I refuse to carry this any longer.”
Forgiveness Is Unconditional
We forgive even if:
They never apologize.
They don’t understand the damage.
They don’t change.
Waiting for someone to deserve forgiveness means we may never experience freedom.
Forgiveness is not based on their repentance.
It’s based on our obedience and our peace.
Three Reasons to Forgive
If you are still wrestling with it, here are three simple reasons:
- Because God commands us to.
- Because God forgave us.
- Because we deserve to live free.
Forgiveness doesn’t excuse evil.
It entrusts justice to God.
Forgiveness doesn’t erase pain.
It stops pain from controlling us.
A Final Thought
We may never feel ready to forgive.
But forgiveness is not first a feeling.
It is a decision.
It may be a decision we repeat.
A decision we reaffirm.
A decision we grow into.
But when we release what hurt us, we reclaim our heart. And that’s worth it.
***This blog post was adapted from a sermon preached by Pastor Jason Kimbrow at Legacy Church. Click the “Watch Sermon” button below to view the sermon in its entirety.***